Vice Guide to Toronto

The following band writeups found their way into the Vice Guide to Toronto which came out with the June issue of the magazine. The No Dynamics article is pushed to the July issue:

> UNCUT
http://www.thenewviolence.com/
One of their three guitarists is named Ian. His roommate says he finds Ian on the floor in the kitchen in his underwear almost everymorning. Fetal position.

> THE TWO KOREAS
They are not The Fall. They don't even really sound like The Fall. OK, Stuart Berman sings a bit like Mark E. Smith from The Fall. Maybe they're a bit like The Fall. The Fall.

> NO DYNAMICS
http://www.geocities.com/nononodynamics/
No bass, but you'd never know it. Big guitars, heavy drums, deathly keys, vicious female vocals. Noisy like a raccoon fight.

> HANK
http://www.weepingtruckers.com/
Displaced Brit/Canadian backed by three female vocalists who sound like the ESG cheering squad. Some dance, some rock, some folk, some country. World music. Yeah, this is world music.

> FINAL FANTASY
http://www.finalfantasyeternal.com/
When someone tells you this guy does string arrangements for The Arcade Fire, don't get the wrong idea. This doesn't belong in your grandparent's CD collection. He even sings about dicks.

> REPUBLIC OF SAFETY
http://www.republicofsafety.ca/
They say they're a Socialist Republic. Really, they're a bunch of punk rock Commie bastards -- they put acid in our drinking water. Assholes.