Saturday, August 28, 2004


I don't know what it is about Toronto that makes me dislike it. I used to love this city; I used to love the Maple Leafs, and the CN Tower, and Yonge Street. Hitting Spadina and Queen on a Saturday was one of my favorite things -- the head shops, and the punks, and used music stores. It was all so big, and it was all in my city; the place where I spent so much of my youth. But then, around the time I turned 18, it changed, and I wanted nothing more than to leave.

The people irriated me, and everything wasn't big, so much as trying to be big. I'd been to New York and LA and Chicago. Those cities WERE big -- it was effortless. No pretenses; no attitude. Just cities with a lot to offer and nothing to prove.

Coming back here is always a weird experience for me. It feels at once foreign and comfortable -- for example, I know all the streets, but I don't remember what order they're in, or where one ends and another begins. The problem is, not a lot has changed in any way I'd consider positive. I arrive and I want to leave. If my parents weren't here, I probably wouldn't come back at all.

Over the past year, a few of my friends have moved out here. Some of them seem to enjoy it, but a lot of people who I meet here still want out. There is evidently a lot of money to be made in Toronto, but that isn't the kind of thing to drive me to be somewhere. I live in Vancouver because I love the people and the physical beauty. So different. I want to move to New York because there is so much going on, and there is so much opportunity to both make money and enjoy yourself while you're doing it.

Why would I want to live here again? Because I can't live in New York? Because someone will pay me more money to do what I do, even though I don't like where I'm doing it? The fake Gucci wallet for $10, please. Because I will never afford the real one.

There is so much going on out there that I'm into right now, I want to be surrounded by it. I want to suffocate myself in it. I want the movies and the music and the lights and the people pounded into my brain until I can't take it anymore. I want to be somewhere that doesn't have to sell itself on being cosmopolitan or multicultural -- I want to be somewhere that talks less and does more.