Monday, July 26, 2004

Credibility - name drops

Flipping through the pages of the trendy magazines at the trendy magazine store today (Flaunt, Nylon, Sleaze, Res, etc.) it became painfully obvious that obscurity is becoming cool these days. It's cool to know the musicians who were lost in the wake of those they influenced. I have compiled a list of bands you need to know in order to survive in these hostile waters of credibility (this is by no means a complete list, and is only based on those musicians who are referenced in the popular media).

Band names to drop if you want to sound like you've "been there from the start." --

Throbbing Gristle
- Reference 20 Jazz Funk Greats and you'll have all the kids nodding in agreement.
Gang of Four
- Worthy but over-done.
Fad Gadget
- How did that happen? They are utter shit. So he killed himself. So what?
- I wish they'd never released their new album.
Liquid Liquid
- Starting to produce music again. Surprise!
- See above.
Joy Division
- Still amazing. I wear my pin with pride.
Glenn Branca
- Mining the depths here. He did work with Thurston Moore though -- that's a good one to throw around on the indie message boards.
Afrika Bambaataa
- "No, THIS is the real electro. I mean hip-hop. I mean... I dunno I've never really heard anything he's done, but it's supposed to be really influential on many levels. Like Kraftwerk, but he's a black guy."

Less obscure but still noteworthy when looking for a knowing smile. --

Arthur Baker
- He is still good.
The Stone Roses
- Everything but their first album is crap. The demos their lawsuit-hungry record label released to satiate the angry fans were embarrassing.
New Order
- But everyone knows New Order, right?
My Bloody Valentine
- Oh I was there baby, I ... was ... there. I wonder if Kevin Shields still farms chinchillas? Probably not.
- Underappreciated. Put this on your list to make the girls know you have that softer, darker, side.
Disco Inferno
- I pity the kids who bought this thinking it was a modern disco band.
- "No man, that was before it was called emo."

Current names to drop if you want to you look like you're on the cutting edge. --

Scissor Sisters
- They were fun for a month. The next Fischerspooner? Because we really need another one.
The Faint
- If you like the Faint, check out everything else on Saddle Creek. Sure bet, all of it. (edit: That was sarcasm)
- An example of incest. If I were the Vice Magazine hip-hop editor, maybe I could also get signed to the Vice Records label.
The Killers
- "I thought Canadians were supposed to be friendly." Direct quote from their lead singer to the dead/vacant/empty crowd when they opened for The Evening who were opening for Stellastarr*. All that cocky attitude, and nobody around to see it -- how sad!
- For some reason everyone references MBV when talking about M83. I think it's because they rhyme. Good for when you want to fall asleep. Fast.
Two Lone Swordsmen
- Off the bandwagon and into the caboose. Fuck you Andy Weatherall.
Patrick Wolf
- I thought early 90s breakbeat should have stayed buried. At least The Smart E's and Psychotropic didn't take themselves this seriously. Anyone remember Trip to Trumpton? How long before we get the chipmunk vocals back?
TV On The Radio
- Translates to: I am intellectual, down with Brooklyn, and I can watch a bunch of guys get sweaty on stage while I stand around and look cool. I love them.
- Chik-Chik-Chik or chk-chk-chk or whatever (but everyone knows that already, so don't say it like it's a secret). Too bad about the dodgy album; just see them live.

More to come.